I’M A SPECIAL KIND OF HYPOCRITE – KACI ROBERTS

  • Title Image: I'm a Hypocrite with Kaci Roberts, upset woman trying to write

Today, I have a special guest blogger named Kaci Roberts, who coordinated the show when I appeared as a guest on the SecondWind with Joyce Buford podcast. We sent over a copy of Conscious Communications to help prepare for the show, but we didn’t expect what happened next. A few weeks after the show, I got an alert that I’d been mentioned in a blog, so of course I checked it out. It turns out that Kaci had finished reading Conscious Communications and had shared her personal story of how Conscious Communications (and especially the 100 Things List) had impacted her. The following is her exact blogpost, which I just had to share with you.
Let’s dive in.
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I am a hypocrite.

I’ve never really understood how important it is to love yourself.

Image: Woman trying to write notes, upset because she's a hypocrite

I’ve been reading and working through a book called, “Conscious Communications” and one of the exercises in the book was to list 100 things that I loved about myself. These things could be big or small, minor or major, sensible or completely ridiculous. My first thought was, “Sweet. I love lists.” So, I sat down at my desk, grabbed my pen and froze. There’s a large mirror hanging on the wall behind my desk and I stopped and stared into it for about two minutes, and not a single thing came to mind. At first, this was mind-blowing. I thought, “What the hell? Why am I drawing a blank?” Then I became frustrated. Then I was bawling. I cried for probably 20 minutes because out of 100 things that I love about myself, I could not come up with one.

This immediately led me into the downward spiral of “no wonder I’m still single and don’t have many friends.” The snowball effect that this had was more of an avalanche. What started as a simple exercise was now the reason I was going to lay in bed crying myself to sleep that night. This led me to thinking about other people and even comparing myself. I kept thinking, “I love them, and they’ve made tons of mistakes,” and “people always tell me I’m a beautiful person so why don’t I see me the way they do?”

Then it clicked.

I love people when I meet them. This is the truth. I don’t judge anyone based on their pasts and I don’t take in other peoples’ opinions of them until I can form my own. Maybe they’ve screwed up in the past but is that the person that they are NOW?

And if I’m willing to ignore THEIR pasts, these strangers that I’m just now meeting, why can I not ignore MY past? I’ve spent so long being angry at myself for things in and out of my control. I’ve blamed myself for things that happened in my childhood and adolescent years and I’ve held such a strong grudge against myself without realizing it. Am I really THAT much of a hypocrite that I’ll stand here and say that I don’t judge people when I am seriously hating myself for things that I’ve chosen to look past in others?

The correct answer is, “yes.” I am a hypocrite.

Image: Woman looking at herself in the mirror, realizing she is a hypocrite

This was a moment for me. I looked in the mirror, put an immediate stop to the ugly crying that was unfortunately taking place, and said, “Nuh-uh. You’re better than this.” And then I started writing. I finished half of the list then, and returned to finish the rest when my hand quit cramping.

The craziest thing happened. I noticed the next morning that people were different towards me. Several people told me how good I was looking. I got flirted with and even asked on a date. People suddenly wanted to be around me. I hadn’t told anybody about my list/meltdown, so what had changed?

The thoughts you think and the words you say about yourself are everything. If you’re constantly thinking badly about yourself, other people feel that. If you’re always calling yourself an idiot, other people hear that. But if you love yourself, even the tiniest, most ridiculous things about yourself, other people will love you. Are you are someone who always loves everyone else but still feels terrible about yourself? Stop being a hypocrite.

If you can forgive them, you can forgive you.

If you can love them, you can love you.

 


Author Headshot: Kaci Roberts Headshot
Kaci Roberts hasn’t published any Amazon Best-Sellers (or anything for that matter). But she likes to write.

Kaci Roberts is just your average 26-year-old trying to make sense of this thing called life. She began writing in her teens, but always kept private. Recently, she discovered that the pain that she struggles with is not only NORMAL, but it’s pain that people won’t talk about. 

After several meltdown/breakthrough/arguments with God, she felt the need (well, aggressive push from the Man upstairs) to share a few of her narratives with the public. The response she received changed her life and encouraged her to do the same for others.

Her motto, “Rock Bottom is a Beautiful Place,” can be confusing at first. However, she’s found that it makes sense to most 20-somethings who unfortunately (fortunately?) find themselves in this state all too often and wants to encourage them through her own experiences (the good, bad, and the ugly.)
ventingallthethings.wordpress.com

2017-12-27T09:01:20+00:00

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