If you’re anything like me, you’ve had periods in your life that were so full of chaos and tragedy that you honestly didn’t know if you’d ever fully recover. Times when you pass every day feeling sad and eventually graduate to suffocating, full-blown depression. What I’ve noticed is that during these episodes of my life, I tend to have very similar habits. One of those is procrastination. I would feel so focused on being overwhelmed that I was completely stuck, unable to do anything. There’s plenty of research to explain why stress causes us to “freeze” and avoid action. I finally decided enough was enough! I was ready to break these patterns and to turn my break-points into growth opportunities. You must be too or you wouldn’t be here right now. The great news is I’m going to share 5 steps (backed by science), that took me From Breakdown to Breakthrough.
By completing these steps, you are going to drag your bad habits into the light and chop them into easily digestible, bite-sized pieces. When you’re done, you will have created a workable solution customized to your personal situation. That way, when you’re ready, you’ll be able to move forward in a new direction towards the life you’ve always wanted.
Step One: The Problem List – Start by making a list of every problem in your life.
About a year ago, I felt like I was getting depressed. It was winter and I could feel the vitamin D deficiency in my body due to lack of sunshine. But something felt different from typical seasonal depression. I felt overwhelmed with life, and I was depleted in every way. After a few weeks of this not only persisting but worsening, I noticed that it was a deep sadness. I feared it was becoming a more serious problem. It was beginning to affect my ability to work. All I looked forward to was my cozy bed, and I was in a constant state of guilt and worry. I felt like I was in a hole. It was dark and scary and somehow, I just knew: this is depression.
It actually worked! Making this list was a breakthrough moment because it felt like someone had tossed me a flashlight, and even though I was still in the hole, now at least I could see.
Step Two: Forgive Yourself – Take time to acknowledge what you’re feeling is normal and it’s ok to feel this way.
As I looked at the list of things troubling me, I had a breakthrough. Anyone would be overwhelmed and depressed with this list of trials going on in their life at one time. For example, one of the issues was a large, unexpected expense, equivalent to one year’s salary. I was devastated about it. And of course, at the exact time of my unexpected expense, I also lost a significant amount of money on a bad investment. These were just two of the items on my list. That dreadful list went on and on.
That list was terrible, but it made me understand that my feelings of depression were normal. This in itself was a major turning point that led to self-compassion and feeling a little bit better than before. This simple activity, that promotes a positive state of mind, works because there is a neurobiological link between love and compassion.
In addition to the feel-good hormones that you already increased in step one, you are now adding oxytocin and vasopressin (the love hormones) to the mix. This results in stimulation in the brain’s motivation and reward circuits. These are highly effective in stress reduction and overall health.
Step Three: Separate Fact from Fiction – Separate your list into events and emotions.
Now that I was able to look at all of my issues, I knew it was time to separate fact from fiction. I divided each item on the list by which ones were actual events and which ones were perceived. I did this by looking at each problem and asking, “Is this an event that took place or is it an emotion?” Here’s a real-life example: In the events list I put a long-term employee resigned. On the emotions list was fear of more employees leaving.
I had 2 lists, one with actual events and one with emotions triggered by the events. This step is important because I instantly cut my list in half (a sigh of relief). And I could see how much my catastrophizing was feeding my despair. I could see what needed action and I could see what needed emotional processing. It felt like someone had tossed a rope ladder into the deep hole I was in.
Step Four: Celebrate Past Wins – Make a list of past triumphs.
It was now time to set the lists aside and remind myself of all of my past wins. I will need the strength and courage to climb up that rope ladder. Celebrating my past triumphs, like getting past my divorce and rebounding my business, helped me see that I had beaten the odds time and time again and there was a no reason to believe that I wouldn’t continue to persevere through this as well.
Step Five: Make a Plan – Create a plan and breakthrough!
You’re probably thinking, there’s no way it can be this easy and I assure you that it is. Will you still encounter sadness and dark times? Definitely. This is real life. But now you have a solid plan to breakthrough.